nattie.'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar] nattie. robot SLUT x FACE [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

.o26. [Sunday August 13th, 2006 3:53am] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | adams voice. ] ashley is an aardvark. :] today was amazing. last weekend was amazing. adam is amazing. our relationship is amazing. i am in love with him. love is amazing. i`m going to marry him. he makes me happier than i ever have been. ever. everything lately is just.. amazing. ♥ ----------------------------------------------- i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you. read cmnt

.o25. [Friday August 4th, 2006 12:01pm] [ mood | tired & loveyyyy ♥ ] [ music | the air conditioner. ] <*start love ramble*> today = a month. its been just that long & i`m already completely & utterly in love with this boy. he is so amazing. & makes me feel that way. its like... AHHH. he`s just... perfect. </end> yeah. its noon. i got woken up at 11:30. yucky. i wanna go back to sleep. i can`t stop thinking about adam. i had trouble falling asleep last night for that same reason. AHH!sjkvlsdfkghdjkfg ♥♥♥. i hopefully get to see him tomorrow. i think him, beaner & amber are coming over. :] :] :] yeah well i`m lacking sleep. so i`m gonna go attempt to do that. i`ll write more later perhaps. :] ------------------------------------------------------- vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........m read cmnt

.o24. [Sunday July 30th, 2006 8:33pm] [ mood | LOOOOVE:D ] [ music | i want to hear what you have got to say // the subways ] i really do need to remember to update this thing more. today is sunday. i feel like shit. :] the whole right side of my body fucking hurts like helllll & its sad. yesterday was a really really really good day. i got to see adam :D & everyone else i got to hang out with people i hadn`t seen in a long time. i went to the mall with... adam.. jessie, TJ, beaner, amanda, amber, thad, rachel, kasey, krissy, uhhhhhhh alot of people. we met people there too. it was really fun. i miss adam already. i love him so much. i love when he holds my hand when we walk around i love when he holds me when we`re sitting & how he tickles me even though i fight it... ANYWAY. :] i love alot more things than that. but i don`t want to ramble on & on forever. so uhh yeah after the mall me rachel amanda & thad went to toys to see vertigo sun.. we met crystal & casey & josh & ashley & elliot when we got there.. & some other people. it was fun i guess. school starts really soon. i want it to... & i don`t want it to... i want to go back to see everyone but i don`t want the work & shit.. & idk how its gonna be since i failed & shit... fuck. idk. i guess it`ll be okay... hmm. ♥ ----------------------------------------------------- My mind is all made up, I'm doing all I can I'm trying hard to think, but I can't understand Why everytime I see you You just walk away And still the world is turning My head is spinning round, I don't know what to do If I'm so happy, I've got everything to lose And everytime I see you I can't stand to say And now it's always raining You're the one to blame Everytime I see you You just walk away Still the world is turning I want to hear what you have got to say... read cmnt

.o23. [Wednesday July 12th, 2006 10:16pm] [ mood | deedlydeedly. ] [ music | macaulay mcculkin // the fall of troy. ] hmmm........ summer gets extremely boring. this weeks going by too sloooowww. texas -- 3 days. =] yaaayy. i want saturday to happen again. i love that day. yep. i saw adam that day. it was wonderful. i love him so much. i had fun too. & that day i realized who my true friends are. i went with adam, beaner, jessie, crystal, ashley &... i met hunter that day... we hung out for a little while then he left. hes a pretty cool kid. i hadn`t met him til that day. he makes me laugh alot. him & adam got along... so that was pretty cool. i`ve been sleeping alot lately. i don`t know why. but i have. i slept like a bajillion hours today. adam woke me up at 10:15 & i went back to sleep at like.. 10:30... then woke up at 2 something... then went back to sleep at like, 6. then i just now woke up like 15 minutes ago. maybe i need to stop sleeping so much... thats what i do when i get bored i guess. i`m going to tennessee the 21st. i`m going a week without a phone. NOTTTT GOOOOOODDDDD =[ oh well, at least they have a computer there. & when i want to talk to adam on the phone i can drive out somewhere & talk to him. hmm... yep. yeah so i`m getting anxious for saturday to come. i have a feeling its going to be quite wonderful. =D ♥ -------------------------------------------------------- With a black heart undercover, watching you sleep every night. "I wish you'd watch me too..." We're made for each other! Honey if you only knew, Every night I'm watching you... Shut up you're talking too loud for me to not listen. This operation's gotten old, the face I stole, the gun of Lost shot through your soul, and all that's left is empty holes. ♥ read cmnt

.o22. [Friday July 7th, 2006 12:19am] [ mood | loved =] ] [ music | a littles enough // angels & airwaves ] yep. i`m happy. & nothing really can change that. people can try to break me down & do all this shit to get to me, but knowing he won`t give into shit again, makes me feel like everything`s going to be okay. when i talk to him, i feel like nothing`s wrong. i feel like everything around me is just motionless & its just me & him. no one else. & everything`s just fine. i don`t think i`ve ever felt this way about someone before. ever. i love him so much. more than anything. even more than ice cream =] oh yeah, i`m talking about adam by the way. i know i haven`t really updated since we broke up... thats a long time ago... holy shit woah. i forgot. but yeah, we started dating again july 4th. hehe =] & i don`t think i`ve ever been happier. nope. ♥ 8 days until i get to go to texas with kasey to see taking back sunday & angels & airwaves. i`m way too fucking excited. i can`t wait though. wow. thats like, 2 of my most favoritest bands & i get to see them SHCCCHOOORE! =D then the next day, dead poetic is coming here. SCHHHHHHCCCOOOOOOOREEEEEEE , yo =] at chi alpha & i wanna go. so i hope we get back before seven on sunday... bleedyblahh i think i`m going to the mall this saturday. & hopefully adam gets to go. because i miss him ALOTTTTT its been way too long since i`ve seen him. i think beaner`s coming too. & i hope kasey comes. & maybe jessie & crystal. i just gotta ask jessica... & stuff. eeeep. I IS TOO HAPPYYYYY =D ♥ i think thats about it for now... yep. i think i`m gonna update this thing more. i keep forgetting i have it. anyway KAYBYEEEE ♥ &/// iloveadam. =] ---------------------------------------------------------- I, I can do anything If you want me here And I can fix anything If you let me near Where are those secrets now That you're too scared to tell I whisper them all aloud So you can hear yourself I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad Your smile is gone; I've noticed it bad The cure is if you let in just a little more love I promise you this, a little's enough. ♥ read cmnt

.o21. [Friday June 16th, 2006 12:25pm] [ mood | =/ ] [ music | atom doesn`t lie :: greeley estates. ] LASTNIGHT. paha. FUN. wanna know why? this is why. ( click. the pictures stretch my layout. ) yep. so, basically, last night was one of the funnest nights i`ve had in a REALLY long time. & it helped me stop thinking about shit that`s been going on the past couple of days. lately the only people that can cheer me up are katie ashley & kasey. i love them. alot. that is all. =] &♥; --------------------------------------------------------------- tell me how... how were you the one i confided in... i let into my life... you lied to me and you'll pay... pay for all of the decisions you've made.... there's no escape from what you've done. so this is who you really are... to think i trusted you... and now all your words mean nothing to me... coz your actions speak the truth. i thought that i knew you... somehow you fooled me... it's sad to see what you've turned into... don't ask me who you really are... coz i wouldn't know... you lied to me. so this is who you really are... to think i trusted you... and now all your words mean nothing to me... coz your actions speak the truth. how can you live with yourself...? it's like the sky is falling down around you now... and there's no escape. read cmnt

.o20. [Thursday June 15th, 2006 4:35pm] hey. fuck that last entry. once again, i`m numb. fuck everything dude. FUCK EVERYTHING. read cmnt

.o19. [Tuesday June 13th, 2006 11:41am] [ mood | DSSGSDT ] [ music | smile empty soul. old cds. =] ] BLAHBLAH ALLGONE. enough of my rambling. =] i have to get surgery... uhh.. the 22nd. which sucks monkey dickkkk. i`m scared of not waking up... that anesthesia shit... =/ & that made me think of phobias. & these are the phobias i have. well... some of them at least... i was looking for what the fear of not waking up is but instead i found a huge list with all these phobias except the one i was looking for. ha. that happens alot. anyway heres some for you who actually read this shit. :: Aichmophobia- Fear of needles. Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia. Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces. Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone. Glossophobia- Fear of speaking in public. Lockiophobia- Fear of childbirth. Necrophobia- Fear of death and/or dead things. Panthophobia- Fear of suffering and disease. Pnigerophobia- Fear of choking or of being smothered. Hydrophobia- the morbid fear of drowning. Taphephobia- fear of being buried alive. BLAHBLAH NOMOOOOOORE. =[ anywayyyy. this is a long entry. but i haven`t updated in a while... oh yeah, the omen = awesome. =] i`ve been listening to old cd`s all day. yeah, & its only 12. nattie was awake before noon, whaaaat? psshht. i was up at fucking 8 to go get my surgery scheduled. yuckkkkkk. anyway i guess thats all. &♥; -------------------------------------------------------------------------- There`s a field nearby With words written in stone My love will not die Please let it be known This place is dead It echoes through town There isn`t one voice I haven`t heard a sound The planes flew in Their bombs did too The city fell flat The fires, they grew When the smoke comes in It`ll color this town But I`ll still have you So I`ll say it aloud I`ll be your distraction. If that field nearby Was still there to be used Would you ever have known? Those words were for you. read cmnt

.o18. [Tuesday June 6th, 2006 3:31pm] [ mood | lah-dee-dah. ] [ music | ex`s & oh`s :: atreyu ] why was i so freaked out about this devil day shit? theres nothing different... ashley put shit into my head & freaked me out... but i guess you can say i`m over it? pretty much. i`m going to see the omen tonight. with... jessie melissa & ashley. & them HOPEFULLY sleeping at ashley`s house. come on geoffrey... =] don`t let lochnes--er--nessi--er--naomi change your mind. AGAIN. what a whorebag. uhh... nattie♥`ssomeone pretty much alot now. :sadfacesadface: but uhhhhh........ &♥; -------------------------------------------------------------- You took me home I drank too much Cause of you my liver turned to dust Cold rust taste Cruel creeping cold pain Do you understand what I mean? When you feel your soul drop to the floor Like a hole, like an open bleeding sore Then you'll have bled like I bled Then you'll have wept as I've wept Suck me down, it's time to rock and roll Lets hit the bar, lets lose control One false move, you took me home One false move, you're all alone But it looks so good and it feels so nice I paid the price I'll cut you out just to hear you scream, Get away from, get away from me And I can feel my heartbeat racing As I realize what I must do Get away from... Get away from... Get away from you read cmnt

.o17. [Friday June 2nd, 2006 2:15am] [ mood | hmph. ] [ music | will you go to prom with me // hellogoodbye ] hair ball was today. my hairs blue & black. i failed the 9th grade. i`m confused about things. thats about it. &♥;. read cmnt

.o16. [Sunday May 28th, 2006 10:40pm] [ mood | hehe. ] [ music | stand inside your love :: smashing pumpkins ] i`m happy. me & katie we`re cool again. =] tomorrows a half day. we get out at 10:50. i have my health & english exams tomorrow. i hope i pass english... if i don`t... i`m fucked. its open book, thankfully. anyway. i`m talking to some people. they make me happy. =] plus i`m listening to prodigy which makes me double happy. lalalala. i should be in bed. oh well. i`m not tired. i feel like dancing. =] the fair was fun last night. i went with jessica we met up with cosper, ashley, sarah, crystal, TJ, jennifer, tori, kasey, cotton.... lots of people. i saw people i hadn`t seen in a while. they looked at me funny. =] hehehe. but i don`t care. i know i`ve changed, & half the time people think i`m a "freak" but.... I DON`T CARE. =] &♥; ----------------------------------------------------- But for the last time You're everything that I want and ask for You're all that I'd dreamed Who wouldn't be the one you love Who wouldn't stand inside your love Protected and the lover of A pure soul and beautiful you read cmnt

.o15. [Thursday May 25th, 2006 10:06pm] [ mood | yay - ful [full of yay, duh.] ] [ music | demonology & heartache :: atreyu ] lol. doesn`t it suck when you get replaced? yeah, it pretty much does. when YOU`RE the reason for EVERYTHING wrong? not their fault no... not at all. ALL your fault. ha. RIIIGHT. ANYWAY. tomorrows the last full day of school. monday + tuesday = halfdays, yo. FAIR TOMORROW! yayayay. everyones going EVERYONE. =D i get to hang out with skye & jennifer & jessica & melissa & amanda & & & &... EVERYONE!=D yayayay. i`m happy. i haven`t really gone somewhere with alot of people since... the movies with alot of people to see when a stranger calls.... haha...fun times. anywayyyy. i`ve had a good week. going by extremely fucking fast but a good week. mhmhmhmhmhm. i have like a huge bump on my arm... & it hurts it looks like a mosquito or ant bite but it just showed up... fucking huge. woaaahhajksfa theend, yo. =D &♥; ---------------------------------------------------------- If I had my way... I'd cut the calluses off your breaking heart... If I could get past the sternum... Cauterize those wounds with... Every kiss I could give to you... I'm holding your heart in my hands... The reason it still beats... read cmnt

.o14. [Thursday May 18th, 2006 6:51pm] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | freak gasoline fight accident :: it dies today ] hmmm i need to stop not writing in this. hmmm hmmmh mhmldkmhxjkdf ldmgjklxd YEAH. i`m on the phone with adam. yayyayaay. i`m extremely boredddd. yep. i`ve had a good week thing. mhm. i guess. i got a new straightener today. its better than my chi. chis are like.. cheap now. mine broke in 7 months. & thats sad. sadsadsadsadsadddd!! hyper. =] i`m going watch the ringer. yep. later holmessseses. &♥; ------------------------------------------ And when the world finally comes to an end... He'll simply laugh and smile... For he would take such comfort in knowing... That there would be no tomorrow... read cmnt

.o13. [Sunday May 14th, 2006 10:39pm] [ mood | hoo rah fucking iffic. =] ] [ music | motolov :: dead poetic ] me & him we`re gonna be bestest friends. mhm. =] & that makes me happy. we talked about alot of things & i figured us being friends would be better anyway. even if it may take a while for these feelings to go away... if they do that is... i`m happy we`re going to be how we are. =] so, yeah, for the first time in a few weeks ... nattie`s happy. &♥;. ----------------------------------------------------------------- With my back to the wall you've somehow pinned me up against. Fingernails in the palms of these tightly clenched fists. And I'm somewhere in between a held tongue and a curse. Or I could keep it inside, and hide it. In hopes my avoidance will cure it. But there's no time for this. Or I could keep it inside, and hide it. In hopes my avoidance will cure it. But there's no time for this again. read cmnt

.o12. [Thursday May 11th, 2006 10:44pm] [ mood | xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ] [ music | xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ] i give up. i`ve done all i feel i can do. got my feelings shot down. cared way too fucking much about other people. .... what are you writing this for. no one fucking cares natalee. X read cmnt

.o12. [Thursday May 11th, 2006 12:12am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | title & registration :: death cab for cutie. ] theres always someone who fucking stands in the way of what i want. every fucking time. everytime a guy is involved, mostly. mainly one person who does it, too. i don`t care if she reads this, either. she knows who she is anyway. you have what you want already... & even if you have problems with him... do you really think its fucking necessary to go after someone who you KNOW i have feelings for... i mean, come on. greedy, much? thats pretty much how i see it. either that, or you just can`t make up your fucking mind. ORR you`re just doing it because you KNOW that its going to get to me.. & make me upset. you`re supposed to be one of my best friends. yet, you do this shit.. & rub it in my face, pretty much. i know i have trust issues & issues with many other things.... but seriously... i should get what i want sometimes. doesn`t happen alot in the dating department for me. unlike for you. &♥;. ------------------------------------------------------------------- the glove compartment is inaccurately named & everybody knows it. so i`m proposing a swift orderly change. coz behind its door there`s nothing to keep my fingers warm & all i find are souvenirs from better times before the gleam of your taillights fading east to find yourself a better life. i was searching for some legal document as the rain beat down on the hood when i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget & that`s how this idea was drilled into my head. read cmnt

.o11. [Tuesday May 9th, 2006 10:07pm] [ mood | relaxed ] [ music | fade to black :: metallica ] i feel good today. good day. that is all i have to say. &♥; --------------------------------- Life it seems, will fade away... Drifting further every day... Getting lost within myself... Nothing matters no one else... I have lost the will to live... Simply nothing more to give... There is nothing more for me... Need the end to set me free... Things are not what they used to be... Missing one inside of me... Deathly lost, this can't be real... Cannot stand this hell I feel... Emptiness is filling me... To the point of agony... Growing darkness taking dawn... I was me, but now he's gone... No one but me can save myself, but it's too late... Now I can't think, think why I should even try... Yesterday seems as though it never existed... Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye... read cmnt

.o10. [Saturday May 6th, 2006 6:22pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | falling :: lacuna coil ] hmm... i feel slightly better today. i just went & layed in the hammock for a while. i have cookie dough right now. =D yummy. i`m waiting for jessie to get here. we`re going see an american haunting. it looks pretty good. my mom is being a bitch. really really really bad. i hate strongly dislike her right now. we got into a big fight last night... i told her i was in a bad mood & i told her i`d be mean if she was mean to me so it happened. & i did something stupid as a result... & it was the one day... the ONE day i needed someone there... & everyone i could go to... was gone. so i did something stupid as a result in my breakdown. =/ i don`t want to talk about it much more... the end. &♥;. -------------------------------------------------- Stained, looking at my hands I talk with these lines It's not the answer I'm crying and I now I know Looking the sky I search for an answer So free, free to be I'm not another liar I just want to be myself... And now the beat inside of me Is a sort of a cold breeze and I've Never any feeling inside Around me... I Bring my body Carry it into another world I know I live...but like a stone I'm falling down Damned, looking into the sky I can feel this rain Right now it's falling on me Fly, I just want to fly Life is all mine Some days I cry alone, But I know I'm not the only one I see that another day is gone I don't want to die... Please be here when I arrive, don't die...please. read cmnt

.o09. [ 2 ] [Friday May 5th, 2006 5:52pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | lacuna coil. ] dude. FUCK EVERYTHING. fuck waiting to be called back by someone who PROMISES they will fuck PARENTS fuck people who get in the way of what i want fuck people who make plans then cancel them right before you`re supposed to do them fuck being blown off by people you care about fuck me not being able to drive fuck MOST people in the world today fuck people who talk shit about you when you`ve done NOTHING to deserve it fuck people who you thought were different, yet you were wrong in the end fuck people who do things to hurt you when you`ve been NOTHING but a friend to them FUCK FEELINGS FUCK CARING & FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE I KNOW I WOULD WANT TO SAY THAT I CAN`T THINK OF RIGHT NOW. that is all. oh, PS, orthodontists suck. the rubber chain they put on braces break too easily, & if i hear them bitch at me for pulling it off, i will go off on them. PS again, i think i feel much better after i got all that out, kthx. if i offended anyone in this, its just my angst talking. & if you know you`re one of the people i`m speaking of, LIVE WITH IT. TRY TO FIX IT. theend. x &♥; x ------------------------------------------------------------------------ When you're taught through feelings Destiny flying high above all I know is that you can realize it Destiny who cares as it turns around and I know that it descends down on me... It's just another day... the shame is gone... hard to believe... that I've let it go away... It's just a melody... it bleeds in me... hard to believe... that I've let it go... read cmnt

.o09. [ 1 ] [Friday May 5th, 2006 3:19pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | enjoy the silence :: lacuna coil ] okay. today was better i think. its friday... i`m happy. i`m going to the movies tonight. silent hill. i hope its good. the people i told to go... better go... or i`ll be alone with a moron who sings about closing doors when hes high, & ashley+elliot... which means.. no talkage. i can`t stop singing. i don`t know why either. grrr.. i`m bored. i just tasted how disgusting ketchup tastes without food... gross. i`m sleeping at ashleys tonight. yep. it shall be fun. i`m listening to lacuna coil. this music puts me in such a good mood. i love it. i`m gonna go lay on the hammock or something now... i feel like... relaxing. or something. later. =] &♥; SCRATCH ALL THIS. read cmnt

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